I’m a 38 year old woman and I’ve finally taught myself how to play guitar.

And YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN TOO.

No matter what age, no matter what you are into, you can learn new things. You can even learn how to do new, very challenging things. It’s actually possible and something that will absolutely change your life, your perspective, and open you up to an entire new world of what’s possible in your life.

But you have to want it, and you have to believe in it. And in order to believe in it, you have to actually put effort into carving out a path towards your success. You have to create trail markers for yourself. I did not believe that I could play music for so many years, and then I started to feel too old, which then made me feel even more like it was too late (because you know... I just keep getting more old every day), and then... I had a baby. Which, if you are a new parent, you know what it's like. You really start to feel old fast. You start to settle into that dozy sense that maybe your time has passed…

If this sounds familiar, I hope this can be a sign.

Stop the cycle of “it’s too late.” Just please stop it.

If you’re one of those people who’s always wanted to learn something new and challenging, or more specifically wanted to learn guitar, I’m going to let you know how I’ve done it (and still doing it) in spite of all the odds going against me and the ever present little voice in the back of my mind that says “you can’t”.

I’ve always identified first with being a visual artist and then a writer. Music has always been a hugely important part of my life starting as a young kid with a musician dad. I’ve grown up popping in and out of rehearsals, watching as long haired musicians hung around with beers clutched, improvising and talking trash in between songs. I learned a couple of little diddies on the piano as a child but my exploration of music as a possible form of expression stopped after a few musicals in my junior high years, and then again later after I tried to pick up the bass (and then quickly put it back down).

As I evolved away from early years of childhood freedom, gradually I began to shut down in some ways after a few key changes happened in my family world and I became less sure about my capabilities. A sense of pointlessness and cynicism started to sneak into my heart at a pretty pivotal age, and for years I would be secretly dealing with some deteriorating self-worth, and a sense that certain ways of being were just too risky for me. Big, bold, and outwardly exploratory expression felt like something I needed to steer clear from. What if I made a fool of myself? What if I fail?

The audacity of me wanting to be something bigger is what has kept me from pursuing music. Even in my seemingly boundless 20s, I was still completely terrified of trying to dip my own toe into a world that I considered to be a huge part of my daily life. Heck, I even married into it. The truth is I was just flat out scared and insecure that I didn’t even try. It’s really just that simple. I resigned myself to let the stage be for someone else.

I mention this only to be honest about my path, and to hopefully connect with anyone that has felt a similar way about learning to play music, or any other more extroverted art form. More specifically, I want to speak directly to female identifying people who feel this way. There is so much subtle messaging that we absorb that says we shouldn’t make too much noise. This has been so much more than just sitting down and practicing an instrument for me. This has been a cosmic shift in the way that I feel about myself and committing to learning new things that truly bring me joy. Just for the sake of my own happiness.

I’ve spent a long time holding back on something that I’ve always known was incredibly important to my soul. And for what? For whom?

I suppose the gift of getting older is that you just really don’t care what people think about you anymore.

If you too have dreamed about playing guitar, here are some practical insights on how I have been able to finally make headway on my guitar playing goals:

• Get an electric guitar. I have always had an acoustic guitar and for years it would usually just sit in the corner and collect dust. Acoustic guitar rings out and can be a bit loud which can be a deterrent for hesitant beginners like me. Plus, I have a small kid now and when I started really playing he was a baby and playing a loud acoustic guitar in the house wasn’t an option. Which means I wouldn’t practice. Instead I was gifted a Vox amPlug and some headphones by my husband so that I could practice my first electric guitar, a Squire Sonic Mustang at night and really hear what’s going on (which makes playing way more fun, obviously). Game changer.

• Sign up for online lessons, or take lessons in person. I don't suggest just trying to piece together random Youtube video tutorials at first. When you pay for a program then you’re more likely to commit to doing it, and also they set up these great lesson apps so that you are learning all the important stuff at an appropriate pace. So instead of trying to skip ahead and play your favorite fast hitting punk record (which you will be able to do later, I promise) you are learning the important basics of timing, finger placement, etc. All the things that will make it possible for you to play well, and play fast.

• Set a goal to practice for at least 10 minutes a day, or for longer periods of time a couple days a week. Practicing even for a little bit at a time will greatly improve your skills vs. only playing around every now and then. You’re learning the chords and basic music theory, but you’re also strengthening your fingers and hand. So even if you don’t feel like learning anything new on the guitar, you can at least practice something you’ve learned recently over and over and over again and really start to work your muscles. It’s tough at first but keep going. It does get easier, and it’s sooooo much fun.

• Tell everyone that you’re learning guitar. Let the people know! This is an exciting new thing to be doing and people will want to support you. It’s important to say out loud the things that we are embarking on, unsure of, and even excited about because it makes the path more real, more solidified in our minds. I am learning guitar. It’s not just in theory. It’s a matter of fact, and it’s really exciting!

• You are already a musician. I should have probably put this at the top of the list. Just because you haven’t perfected the instrument doesn’t mean you don’t play it. The more you practice the more you will feel your skills improve and your confidence will grow. You’ll get experimental. You’ll start to venture away from your lessons to learn a song you love. Most of the music you like are made by musicians that play their instruments imperfectly, and with their own limited experience. You do not have to master the thing in order to play. Just play!

I will end on a note about gender and the many ways female identifying people avoid playing music and being directly involved in the “scene”. Music scenes, especially rock and punk scenes, have been stereotypically male dominated arenas since forever (despite all the women who have influenced the creation of such scenes). I know that there are so many of us out there who feel unsure about our place in that world; wondering where or how we can get a shoe in without risking feeling discredited, or worse. I don’t know how else to change that cultural environment except to get more involved. Face the fear of putting yourself out there. There are so many amazing women musicians out there that have always been doing the thing, and there’s always a need for more. We are already supported.

I can take up all of my space. I can be ugly and loud, or quiet and soft. I don’t have to be extremely good at anything in order to do it.

If you’ve been waiting for a push, I hope reading about my experience helps. It is never too late to make a little more noise!

 

Resources:

She Shreds Media: an abundant resource of support and information for female identifying folks learning guitar and bass.

Sweetwater: a great site for equipment if you can't find what you need at your local spots!

Fender Play: I have been using Fender Play for 1.5 years or so and I highly recommend it. Perfect for going at your own pace and you're serious about learning proper techniques and advancing at a steady pace.

Little Treble Makers: an Atlanta based music school run by my friend Sydney Ward. They offer in person and virtual music lessons to kids mostly, but they also have adult beginner classes. Contact them through the site for more info.